Self care?

All month long I was going to do a mental health post for May but I have waited until the last day.
I am no stranger to mental illness on minor levels and extreme levels, with either myself, family and friends.
Mental illness is not rare, and it is rapidly growing. The biggest question for everyone is why? I am constantly seeing fingers pointed at many things including religious groups, instagram bloggers, skinny models, to poor air quality.

I am not a scientist, or a doctor, and I don't claim to be. This is just my opinion so you can take it or leave it. This is just my own personal journey to what I believe what is healthy and what is not. And if it helps someone then great. If not you can just move on. I have a belief that just like a cut or bruise can heal, so can our mental wounds.

 When you are a spouse of an addict, self care that is something talked about a lot. Because you can not control the addict and so you need to talk care of yourself. But what does that even mean? When you are depressed and are on a path to becoming healthier it is a lot different than when you are in the spiral life of living with an addict.
When they are in active addiction you need to go to your knees and pray, pray, pray. When the pain is just too painful to bear, the only comfort I found anywhere was praying and feeling the comfort from Him. I also numbed myself with lots of television and cookie butter, but truthfully it didn't help anything and my laundry was piling up.

In this situation self care starts with setting your boundaries. When your addict is consuming your life you have to put the walls up for a time until you can get your self straight. Then you need to have an awareness of  you can not change them, and your healing is not dependant on their recovery. Your happiness and well being is separate from them. When you bring awareness back to yourself, then your addict will do better. When they are in an environment of resentment, fear, and anger then it makes everything worse.
Then you need to REST. I mean physically, spiritually, emotionally just let it go. Take a nap, read a book, or watch your favorite movie. Something that takes you away from your reality for a minute. But make sure your soul is getting some serious rest. You can't abandon your duties, but it is important to set aside this time for yourself.

 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).

It is okay to reach out to friends that you trust with your situation. Sometimes the addiction and depression can be a little dark for some people. So choose the people that will be supportive and helpful, but don't be afraid to ask for help. Because we need to allow people to help us.

Then you need to be thankful in all things.Stop complaining and only seeing all the negativity around you because the truth is, darkness is there. But stop focusing on it and look through the cracks because light is in there you just have to train your brain to start focusing on the light. I did an exercise where I tried to come up with 10 things a day to be grateful for and to be honest, the first week I could only think of like 5. Which is pathetic. After about two weeks of doing this I had a better attitude. And when I found myself getting down, I would do this again and it made me feel better. 

Then you need to learn what true forgiveness and patience means. Forgiveness is not allowing the person to continue to abuse you, but for your own spiritual healing. You have to let it be. 

And then because you learned you can't control anything, you have to sit back and be patient. The Lord is taking care of them and you need to trust that everything will work out. That also doesn't mean you stop loving them, or leave them alone completely. Just go back to boundaries, and know what is enabling and what is helping, and loving them while they fix themselves.

I think that my definition of self care would be to not find happiness, but to know that happiness is just one emotion and it is okay to be uncomfortable. And finding joy in the uncomfortable because it is unavoidable. And slow down. Do not run faster than you have strength.

And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order. (Mosiah 4:27)

But after about 3 years I have finally figured out the formula for self care outside of addiction. Are you ready?

Stop thinking about yourself.

Revolutionary right?

What I have found with myself is that when I am constantly being a victim and blaming others for all of my unhappiness I am consuming my thoughts with myself. The key to taking care of yourself is to go outside of yourself.  I would indulge in some junk food because I "deserve it." Or spend money on myself with new clothes, or get my hair or nails done, for the sake of "taking care of me."  I am not saying you can't get your hair and nails done or get a fresh wardrobe if you need it, but just don't use it in the meaning of "self care" because it won't always make you happier. Satan is taking a sacred thing such as self care and turning in into an indulging lifestyle. It was marketing telling me what self care looks like. Taking care of yourself is important not for your own well being, but when you are self sufficient, you are able to take care of others.

Another thing that is important to remember is that in the commandments "thou shalt not covet" is among murder, and stealing. So it must be an important one to follow.

10. “Thou shalt not covet” (Exodus 20:17). Coveting, or envying something that belongs to another, is damaging to the soul. It can consume our thoughts and plague us with constant unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It often leads to other sins and to financial indebtedness. 

A lot of people blame social media for their unhappiness. And I believe them. And it is because it is the Adversary's easiest tool to get you with. Coveting has always been a problem but with social media it just makes it 100 times easier. He is helping you covet everyday. And not only covet but become addicted to it and spend hours a day focusing on how other people are better than you. You will be in a constant state of depression if you do this. I am one of those people. I definitely spend more time than I should coveting other people, and becoming scared to post things because of how people will judge me. And it is something that I am still working on. It is no wonder why we have a culture of debt, cosmetic surgeries, addictions, because we have a skewed version of what value is.

Stop giving yourself value to yourself with "likes" or "followers." It really means nothing to Heavenly Father so why should it matter at all to you?

I am aware that there are many other factors into depression and mental illness, but let's start with what we can be aware of and can control. And when we do service for others then you really see things differently and appreciate where you are in life.

And I am also aware that these things are not easy, and they don't happen overnight. But it is a constant awareness and we are only expected to better ourselves, not be perfect.

 Feel free to message me with ideas or what has helped you become aware of yourself and your self care journey.

XOXO