Hey guys!
We are doing okay. We are making it through the days with what we have to deal with but we are humbling asking for our friends and family's help.
When I signed Cody up for the treatment center back in March I knew that it was the right decision for our family at the time. When we signed up for it we knew that it was going to be a big expense, but I was ready to pay any amount of money to help my husband beat his addiction. I was very afraid everyday that he could die any day from an overdose.
I had an overwhelming feeling to not worry about the money, that something would work itself out. Within the first two weeks of treatment Cody was doing so much better, and we both felt a little hope for him.
Before I took Cody to treatment I asked our Bishop for help. I asked if he could help us with couple's counseling, as well as individual counseling for both of us. We currently don't have insurance so we thought this might be a good option for save our marriage.
He gave us the phone number to a counselor and I made us an appointment. When we showed up there was some mix up of the scheduling. Cody had taken off work to come to the meeting, and I had to get a babysitter, and I made us both stand there like idiots on the wrong day of the appointment. I was so ready to have some help that I went home pretty devastated.
When we went back on the right day we talked to the counselor and from the first minute I did not have a good feeling. My gut was telling me to run as fast as I could out of that building. I did not feel sincere help. So we did not go back.
Then when I decided that I wanted to check Cody into treatment I went to my bishop and asked him to help us pay for some of the cost of the treatment. The Bishop was not happy that we did not go to the counselor he chose for us, and was even more unhappy that I made a decision to put him into treatment without talking to him first. Well, when I checked Cody in he was in pretty bad withdrawals and there wasn't much room for anything but getting him immediate help. We couldn't be in state funded waiting lists, or waiting for the Bishops approval.
I felt as though the Bishop was not sympathetic or understanding of the situation. He was being very hard on Cody and his exact words were, "I don't think you are worth the church member's money."
I turned into mama bear and I defended Cody in saying that he was worth it to me, and he is also worth it to my family so we would find help somewhere else.
He told me to calm down because he loved me and was happy with my church attendance and efforts, but not Cody's. I told him that if he wasn't willing to help Cody then he wasn't helping my family, because Cody IS my family. He had set his terms on how he was going to help us and then we walked out leaving with the impression he was going to support us in this treatment.
Well, about three months went by without the bishop's payments and the bill was starting to get higher. We have to pay for the medications out of pocket and it has made our budget even tighter.
We were getting nervous about how to pay for it since we are struggling to make ends meet as it is without all the added expenses of the treatment.
Cody talked to them about doing trade work for the treatment center since he is a carpenter and handy man. He has been hanging dry wall and doing small repairs in trade for the expenses. So I thought that was going to be our saving grace, that we would be able to work off the money and we wouldn't pay out of pocket anymore.
Cody's schedule during the week is this
Monday - work 6:00-2:30- work at treatment center 3:00-5:00 treatment class 5:30-8:30
Tuesday- work 6:00-2:30- works at treatment center 3:00-5:00 treatment class 5:30-8:30
Wednesday- work 6:00-2:30- works at treatment center 3:00-5:00 treatment class 5:30-8:30
Thursday - work 6:00-2:30- works on treatment center 3:00-7:00 comes him for me to go to meetings or work for my new business and watches the kids
Friday- works on treatment center 3:00-7:00 comes him for me to go to meetings or work for my new business and watches the kids
Saturday- works on construction side jobs 9:00-6:00
Sundays- Church and helping me with the crazy kids
If you have followed all of that, Cody and I see each other at nights, and sundays. which also means that I have the kids most of the time, and can be hard for me since I have made the decision to start my design business. I have been willing to balance it all because it was all for a good cause and because Cody is getting better. But after many months it has started to get stressful. The kids are also really missing their daddy. Even though Cody is working every spare minute at the treatment center, we haven't even dented 5% of the cost and it increases every month. We are both running on a treadmill that stays in one place and running out of energy. It would be worth it if we were getting somewhere but it is just getting more discouraging.
We went back to the bishop a second time and asked him if he was still going to help us, and he totally forgot that we even came to see him about it. He agreed to give us some money but it would be only a one time payment and also was only going to be a very small portion. We graciously accepted because we were happy to get any help we can get, and then he has never made a payment.
I am not going to say that this is what happens all the time with LDS bishops. I know there are other bishops who are understanding and helpful. We unfortunately have not had a pleasant experience asking for help and has made us both very scared to ask anyone. We have not asked money from family because of fear of judgement and all the questions they will ask.
Understandably I think people will be afraid of paying for a person who they aren't sure that are really interested in getting better. Or enabling an addict to not take responsibility for their behaviors.
I was crying to my sister about how frustrating all of this is and how I was so unsure of what we were going to do. I am afraid that the treatment center will not let him keep coming when he still needs treatment and he will relapse. And then we will still be owing all that money.
She offered to help me host an online instagram auction to help us cover some of the cost of the treatment.
At first I was hesitant because
1- there are so many auctions these days for everything.
2- it is straight up embarrassing
Of the few people I have told about the auction I have got responses from family about how embarrassing it will be, and they won't help us financially if we agree to this. So As I write this post, I am going to tell you that this is something not easy for Cody and I to do.
We also agree that when we get our treatment costs covered, we want to continue to do the auction to help organize money to help other addicts get the funds to go to a reliable treatment center. This is such a problem in the US and Utah and we want to share out story to help others. I would love to help other grieving spouses and family members of addicts because it is such a long and scary road. We can't predict anything in the future and we just want to help our loved ones.
I would love to help carry the load and burdens of other struggling families.
I think that the Go Fund Me and auctions are a great resource to help people raise money.
Unfortunately there are too many people that use it for the wrong reason and makes people not want to donate money anymore due to so much fraudulence. I even stopped donating to anything unless I knew that person personally.
My sister Annie and I will be hosting the auction. Annie will be handling all of the money and also be paying the treatment center and posting the receipts publicly so there will never be any question as to if this money will be going to the right place.
I have donated my knits goods to many auctions throughout the years. And every time I have I felt good about my small part in helping people. When everyone helps a little bit it can make a huge impact. I will also be donating knit beanies in my own auction but I won't do just one. I will make chunky beanies that are easy for me to make, but if people will purchase them I will be able to make money for the treatment center and will post all the payments going to the treatment center.
So we are humbly asking for donations of any kind to host our auction. We don't have a date set yet but more information will soon come. It can be anything to Vintage items, handmade items, boutique clothing stores, services, photography, baking, hair stylist, gift cards etc.
If you have something to donate or have any questions about what we are doing here or how you can help you can email
loveisthedrug08@gmail.com
or send a DM on instagram
xoxo
