Last post was about the final break through with Cody that I knew what was going on with our family and I made the decision to stay with him and help him in the recovery process.
After that I made the decision I realized that I still needed to be able to support myself if things went bad with Cody. I am a massage therapist but getting a license in Utah was difficult and I had to pay lots of money for CE classes and paying for the licensing and I wasn't 100 percent sure if that's what I wanted to do.
I had kind of been thinking about a wedding rental with my antiques for a while but I was too overwhelmed with everything going on and so I didn't know where to start. but I finally decided I needed to make some real money and not just knitting.
So I found some facebook pages that are wedding related and put it out there that I was going to start being a wedding planner and was willing to work for really cheap to build my portfolio.
I did get a bride that was willing to let me do her wedding and I was so grateful for her. She gave me some confidence and allowed me to have a project and not just sit around thinking about how my life was falling apart.
I had a little budget so I was doing lots of DIY projects to cut the cost and I really enjoyed doing it. but there was one project that I needed Cody's help. It was just too hard to do by myself. I asked him if he would take the materials to Las Vegas and work on them when he got off work. He promised he would do it and then he just didn't. We were two days away from the wedding and it was Sunday night and he was having to get ready to go back to Las Vegas for yet another week.
At this point I was 8 months pregnant and doing anything was just harder. He left me with the materials and I was angry and depressed and didn't know how I was going to pull off this wedding by myself and being pregnant with three little kids.
Cody had his bags packed and was ready to leave, but when his parents came to pick him up he made the decision he wasn't going back and that he was going to stay the week to help me with the wedding and he also knew that he wasn't going to be able to get the pills he needed. He would then have to do the final step of going through the withdrawals.
All day and night we made the things we needed and the wedding went great.
Cody and I call it "hell week" it was so miserable watching him go through withdrawals. It was scary at times, and I was trying to keep the kids away while still being there for Cody.
We also knew that without him working we were going to be in trouble financially but at this time getting him clean was the most important thing.
It was sleepless nights, and lots of hopelessness and feeling useless. But I was right there with everything.
He had cleaned my puke many times through all my pregnancies and always took care of me when I needed it. So it was my turn to just be there for him. Even though it seemed like an eternity to both of us, it was short. And it was worth it to both of us because we had a bonding experience from all of it. Cody knew the day was approaching to get clean because our baby was Due and I had to make the hard decision to tell Cody that he was not going to be able to attend the birth if he was not clean. Some people told me that was cruel and I wasn't able to do that because it was his kid. but I know it was the right decision because Cody needed something to motivate him and a reason to get clean. I was very scared that I was going to have to fulfill my threat of him not being there because it was something I did not want to do alone. but I wasn't able to relax and give birth if I had contention and knew that my husband couldn't fully be there for me.
Cody managed to stay clean for the next few weeks working for my grandpa doing side jobs and Feb 9 2016 that morning I was starting to feel contractions.
By evening I was calling Cody every hour and telling him to be ready and telling my mom to be on call to come get the kids.
They were finally strong enough that we had to go to the birthing center and we made it there before the midwives. I have had faster labors each time so I was definitely worried it would be too quick. but when we got there she checked me and I was at a 4 CM. and said that we have plenty of time and I wanted to get into the water.
Cody went to get a shake next door and it took him about 20 minutes and when he got back my water broke. Midwives came in and said everything was looking great, and so we waited and I just let the baby come down without pushing, and just enjoying each contraction and allowing my body to adjust and prepare for the baby. The head came out and the shoulders struggled a bit so I stood up and put one leg up and that baby slid right out.
And then we had four babies. She was perfect and beautiful and Cody was freaking out because she didn't cry she was just content looking around. We were all not worried about her but Cody wasn't there for any of the meetings or orientations with the midwives and so he thought that the oxygen mask was because she was in distress. But they told me that they usually give them a puff of air to help clear the lungs and speed up the process of them breathing on their own.
but once we calmed Cody's nerves and got me into bed it was so amazing.
The bed was so comfy and warm and I didn't bleed very much which is something I usually have a problem with. and they told me that I didn't tear at ALL. and that is another story about my births that it was something traumatic for me healing from births.
She was healthy and beautiful and I felt great.
I was able to stand right up and walk around and we said we want to go home. so about an hour after being born we took her home and the kids wanted to love on her but it was late so we just went to bed and started our new life together. We named her Betty Bloom Bushell.
I thought everything was going to be fine, but that was short lived because Cody had relapsed and things were getting stressful again. I was really scared because I now had a newborn and didn't know how I was able to work or support myself and I just didn't know how he was going to support us.
When Betty was four weeks old there was something off with her. I co-sleep with my babies and one night I was waking up all night and telling Cody it felt like she wasn't breathing. He just brushed it off and said she is fine but the next day I didn't want to leave her alone. I didn't even want to shower because I felt like something was wrong. She started developing a cough and runny nose so I knew she was sick. She didn't have a fever so I thought she would be okay. but when I went to nurse her she had a really nasty cough and she couldn't stop and then her lips were turning blue. It was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed on any of my babies. I said a really quick prayer and I said, Heavenly Father my instincts tell me that I need to take my baby to the hospital and I get a very clear and quick answer back and it was YES take her to the hospital.
I called my dad and he came over to babysit and everyone was kind of acting like I was over reacting.
When we got there they confirmed it was RSV and deadly to infants and she needed to stay.
They got her in and put some oxygen tubes up her nose. That night she was having apnea spells and would stop breathing for a long period of time. Every time the machine went off my heart was pounding and my brain went foggy and I just thought my baby was dying. The nurses couldn't give me straight answers except "most" babies survive RSV but they couldn't guarantee it.
That night the baby next door to me had the exact same Virus and she had got so bad they were taking her by helicopter to take her to primary children's in salt lake because they had a better equipment and team for babies that severe. I started freaking out that that was going to be me next. And I just prayed for her to have a quick recovery. I could not sleep and my anxiety was through the roof.
The next day she had gotten worse and she had spiked an fever and needed to do blood tests and make sure she didn't have meningitis and take her urine to do more tests and it was just stressful. She was a beautiful healthy baby and it all changed in an instant.
Her oxygen levels were getting worse so they told me that had to jump to the highest BPAP so that she could get the most oxygen and if it got worse she would have to go by helicopter.
Because the mask covered her face she wasn't able to nurse so I had to pump and feed her through tubes. So I knew that this was for the long haul and I went home and got new clothes, my laptop, and some things to do while I was there.
During this time I hadn't talked to Cody and he was starting a new job with a company and I was stressed because I knew that Cody was withdrawing at home and he had to take care of my kids.
So I was a total mess having my baby sick and worrying about my family at home and I have never felt so much anxiety in my life. My adrenaline had spiked a few times and found myself having shakes. It was like the feeling of when you are really Cold and getting shivers uncontrollably. It was scary and I thought I was going bonkers.
Cody came to see her after day 3 and it went was bad, we just fought and then he left. I was so nervous about how our family was going to survive this at all.
After 6 days 5 nights in the hospital we were finally discharged and I was scared to leave because those machines were the only thing telling me that she was alive and she was okay.
but we went home and started over yet again and knew that this was a long road ahead of us.
When I got pregnant with Betty I thought how could this be right. The timing was all wrong. but now I know that Betty was part of saving our family. When I heard the name Betty it was an immediate I knew that was her name.
I like to look up the meaning of names and the meaning of Betty is "God's inspiration." and that is exactly what she is to our family. She completes us and makes us better because of her presence on the earth and we are going to watch that beautiful soul grow and help heal us.
Photo by Aly Collins Photography
Now she is 9 months and is already walking (I know) and she is a talker. Anytime I talk she is trying to talk over me with her jibber jabber. Her hobbies are ripping my knitting to shreds and tangling it up and climbing up the stairs every 10 minutes. You just look at her and she laughs. She is such a blessing to us. She also looks exactly like her dad. We love our chunky cheeked Boomers.
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