Last personal post I talked about how Cody moved out. It was not because we wanted a divorce, or because we were mad or hated each other. I think people can assume the worst when we say we are separated. This isn't the first time and we are just used to the pattern.
When we are separated we can appreciate each other more, have some distance to think about things. And my hopes is that it will give Cody more motivation and understanding of how his actions can hurt and they just can not be continued for our family.
When he is gone it makes everything harder. I want Cody home. He is my best friend and it is very lonely when he is not around. I just want to talk to him. I want him to comfort me. Our relationship is just so hard to explain. We love each other desperately. We know that even though we are total opposites we just work together. We know that we can not replace each other. We both know that we have a connection.
Apart from Cody's behavior when it comes to his addiction, he is a genuine person. Seeing past an addictive person can be hard at times because their actions speak loudly and makes you feel like they don't care about your feelings. But when he is himself, he treats me really well. Even if I am acting like a complete psycho path he knows me enough that he knows what I need. At night he will stroke my hair and then I melt and pretend that nothing ever happened.
Nothing else matters than making a hard relationship work when there is such a strong love involved.
If we didn't have that connection then we would have called it quits a long time ago. I could have said “see ya in the next life”. When things aren't very good and we are fighting I have often wondered about what other people would think. If I stayed in our relationship would people think that I was being one of those women who stayed in unhealthy mariages or would they think we were being strong? If I divorced would they think that I was giving up, or would they think good for her to stick up or herself? That was a big mistake, because it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. There is not one person who understands and knows what we are, except Cody and I. Once you drop out the whole world in your decision making things can become more clear.
I have made my choice to stick with Cody not because I want my husband happy, but because he wants nothing more than for me to be happy. I know there is such thing as healing and it doesn't come from a pill, or a quick fix. There is no such thing as a short cut to happiness. It takes a lot of work. I think that is the most appealing thing for an addict is that their solution is quick. It takes the pain fast. It does not help, or cure. It is a very temporary fix that you must get over and over again.
My kids watch trolls all the time and I can't help but see the similarities with it. They think that there is no such thing as happiness unless they eat these trolls. And in the end, they just see that is within themselves to find true happiness and not the troll. And the people behind it making you believe you need the troll are just in it for power and money. Classic.
But I am going to brag about Cody because he is such a strong person. I do not give him enough credit for what he has accomplished. How far he has come from where he has been. He would do anything for me. And he proves that to me every day. I don't deserve someone so special. I couldn't live without him. Love is such a cool thing. And it is so strong.
He is extremely talented with his building and craftsmanship skills. I learn most of my trivia from him because he knows everything. And if I can’t figure something out I know he has the problem solving skills to do it.
He is funny and joyful to be around and he makes people feel good about themselves. I feel like I can be myself with him and not feel judged even when I am at my worst self. People think that I am good with my crafty skills but the truth is I make my attempt at it and then Cody always perfects it. He is a jack of all trades and handy to have around. He is just smart.
Our updated status is that Cody’s clothes have been trickling back into the house and he is sleeping here every night. So he found his way back home and we are still working on some things. It has been a rollercoaster the past few weeks but I am just trying my best to feel hopeful when I sometimes feel like there is none.
You are SO Enough.
I am going to share some photos from the styled shoot I did and everything started falling apart. Like literally. The barn wood arch was falling apart because the old wood is just so soft and needed to be handled better. So we broke that, and also broke my 100 year old whiskey barrel. Talk about embarrassing, and it was such a mess. I really just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. but I had already paid for the florals, the photographer was traveling far, and I couldn't find models who could commit. Cody says "Katie, I will do whatever you need me to do. "
So he shows up sweaty from working construction all day and takes a bath in the bathroom sink and is such a good sport about being a model for the day. He didn't know that he would be shared with thousands of people on many instagrams and blogs. I was very honored for this photo shoot to be featured on one of the best ones Ruffled Blog.
I was also told by my friend (the cake artist) that if you search on pinterest Moody weddings or Moody cakes you will find the Ruffled blog post and it has been shared a lot! It feels good when people can appreciate your work.
Whiskey Bar inspired Shoot on Ruffled Blog
But that is the kind of husband he is. Even when he doesn't feel good and he has a hard time moving forward he will go to work all day and come home and help me with what I need. Yes he is the worst at cleaning up and helping with the dishes, and he leaves his cigarette butts all of the the yard, and I can complain about all the wifey things that we all can't stand but those are little things that can be worked on over the many years together. Each day together is important and I myself need to work on making Cody feel appreciated, and special. I get so caught up in making him do what I need and paying attention to my feelings that I forget to be more thoughtful and aware of his.
Marriage is hard. Marriage is important. In my opinion the most important. Being a wedding planner it is so rewarding to witness something so sacred. It is such a life changing experience to find someone you love so much it hurts your bones.
I love you Cody like Snape loves Lily.....Always.
venue-Brick Room Provo
photography - summer taylor photography
florist- albedo floral
cake -Emily Pearblossom
dessert- art city donuts
paper- lynn and lou
styling rentals- havenwood design co
