Zion Hiking Trip

I am trying to blog more and will eventually get around to it but I will share with you our Zion trip.

Cody goes Turkey hunting every year and I don't think its fair. If I want to go do anything I have to drag 3 rug rats with me with one on my boob 8 hours a day and I don't get to "get away." So I have always told Cody that I don't mind if he hunts as long as he takes the family camping throughout the year. He still hasn't done that but now that we are living in Utah I am going to make everyone hike/camp whether they like it or not.

Cody's friend from Vegas and his dad were going to Zion Canyon and he wanted to take the opportunity to see them. We left Thursday and stopped to fish for a couple hours. It was a bad time of the day and we didn't catch anything.

we got to the camp late and it was getting dark. Both the kids were getting scared and Zion was asking about bears and giant skunks getting us. Then it got Sage scared. Cody is trying to put up the tent and I am building a fire with one hand and Holding Rae in the other hand. We are trying to make hot dogs and chili and everything is just going wrong and the kids are screaming. Our propane light wasn't working, and our flashlight we got the wrong batteries. Then we went to play a movie for the kids with our new laptop and realized it doesn't have a CD/DVD spot. We finally get the kids to sleep and it is FREEZING. Cody said he was fine because he slept next to a dangerous propane heater.

 

 

The next morning we took the kids hiking on just a little trail but I was very impressed with both of them. Zion is a great little hiker and he wanted to go farther and farther. We finally had to turn back and Sage was a good sport until she got tired. then we had to carry her for a bit.

 

       Zion was named after this National Park

Zion National Park

 then we stopped at the river to cool and it was really pretty. We realized though the water was not flowing well. There will be a drought and we are planning on getting our water storage ready.

 

 

 

then we went to a couple fun little souvenir shops and got some ice cream.

We got back to camp and cooked some potato stew and relaxed and enjoyed the evening.

 

"Roughin It Rae"

 

view from our tent in the morning, I thought it was cool.

and SUPRISE Grandpa Blaine rought Great Grandpa Bushell's old 4 wheeler. We were excited to try it out. The kids weren't being very good so we drove around for a bit and them packed up our stuff.

 

Blaine said that he doesn't really have room, and he won't be driving the 4 wheeler in Las Vegas so he is letting us have it. I am so stoked because I have never owned a toy like that. It will be really fun to go cruising around the canyon with it every now and then. and I plan on buying a small trailer for our family to use because we will use it a lot. and bring along our little 4 wheeler to play on.

                                                        til next time....

There will be calmness after the storm

I decided to write in my blog because I don't remember when the last time I can say that my life has been HARD, and I just need to vent I think.
I had a  wonderful experiencing giving birth  to Rae Rae, Even though it was an unforgettable one it was very stressful. I am a hobbit always looking for the next adventure and Cody knew I was going to plan something. I tried to hold off until I couldn't any longer and told him it was time to move. He didn't like the idea at first, but the more things happened Cody realized that it was finally time to leave Las Vegas. That is usually how it goes with us. I am pulling and dragging him into big leaps but he is the one who always has the final say.
I was so happy that he agreed that we could move. I was a packing maniac. While cody was working away in Laughlin I was stressed because I would be alone with the three kids.
To pass the time I was constantly organizing, cleaning, and the house looked amazing when I was done. It was ready to show and we called our realtor who is our dad's friend who did real estate in Utah. It was exciting to find a realtor that was perfect for us at the perfect time. We had the goal of getting our house sold by spring, so she gave us suggestions to work in the house to make it sellable. We decided to put it on the market and that same day we got our first offer, and it was a full price.
I didn't think it would take long but that quick was amazing. She also said she was willing to pay full price if we were willing to move out quickly, as soon as the day of closing. That panicked us and we countered with five days after closing. So as of right now we have until March 5 to move.
Cody tells me that he can see two more weeks of work in Laughlin. I did not want to be alone for that long so I decided to drive up with the three kiddos to utah to spend time with my family and also look for a house to rent. It was supposed to be a happy time of laughter and friends, and then the kids got sick.
The kids have been getting sniffles all summer but this was full blown flu with throwing up and croup cough. I was up all night with Zion, then sage, then zion again, then sage, then raelyn got a stuffy nose, and them ME. I cleaned up lots of throw up. I think the last time I got the flu was when I was pregnant with Sage, and don't remember the time before that, maybe even in high school. And all during this time of all of us sick I went and looked for houses to rent, and also signing and emailing papers long distance to our realtor. And trying to keep up on my knitting and shirt orders.
It was kind of discouraging after the first week when I couldn't find many houses to rent with dogs. I started calling houses and asked if they would allow dogs and they would yell NO. I saw a few that were either too dumpy, too far away, not a fenced backyard for Rosco, too pricy, rooms were so awkward and small that I didn't know where I was going to put my kitchen table, or if my mattress would even fit. Then the second week I was ready to live in a trailor park because there was just no where. I asked Cody if he was willing to have his dad babysit Ross so we could have a place to live and he said out of the question.
By the end of the two weeks I was so exhausted and living out of a suitcase with three kids was extremely frustrating. During that time other family members were also going to life changing and hard situations as well so it all added to it.
We drove home without any houses lined up and joking about being homeless and I should start putting holes in my clothes or shop at A&F to fit the part. I knew I wouldn't because I have lots of family who is willing to help us, but it would be frustrating trying to live somewhere for a while until we found a place. It was a humbling experience for me because it wasn't going as smoothly as I thought, and I had to be willing to take what comes.
I had my sister in law go see a house for me in American Fork and we were anxious to get in there. We had many phone interviews and applications and credit checks, and we still haven't heard back from them.
We have already been denied by three other landlords. It was like getting an slap in the face every time. I was thinking why are we not getting into anywhere? We aren't that bad of people that they wouldn't want to rent to us.
Then I realized that we have three kids and a dog. We are moving out of state so they can't meet us. Our credit is bad, but if it was good we wouldn't have this problem we would just buy a house. Cody doesn't have a job in utah yet because he is working here in vegas. I tried to explain that we will make equity on our home and will have enough to live until he gets a job. So it sounds as though we would not be able to pay rent. I was even bribing people with three months rent in advance. As of today, Still nothing.
When we got home the kids were so excited to see Cody and they were running around the house looking for him and it broke my heart. Cody calls and says that he thinks there is another couple of days of work. I said we all need to see you. He drove until midnight to come and see us for a couple hours in the morning Sunday. but he was so exhausted he slept that day and went back to work in the afternoon. I could tell he was so beat from working and it worried me a little that he was working with a lot of stress and horrible hours sometimes til 2 in the morning. He kept saying he was going to push through it and I was just trying to support him. Tuesday morning he says, you need to come get me I can't do it anymore. I was excited to hear that but was stressed on how I was going to come get him with all the kids. Bless my dad he drove me and raelyn while my mom watched zion and sage and picked him up at 10 and got home at midnight.
It was relieving that at least he was home and we would be able to move on the next step, but we haven't heard back from the appraisal and that is so stressful because this could determine if we would lose the sale or not. It isn't over until we have that money in our hands.
We don't want to start to move until we know that this person is going to follow through. When I make decisions I usually am very confident and have to convince everyone around me that it was a good one. This time I am kind of questioning it now that it isn't going as I planned. I am just praying everyday that I am just able to handle what comes and just have a roof over our heads and kids fed. Cody is fixing all the things that the inspection came back with but still just waiting on everything else and time is going by so slow.
If the sale goes through and we have a little longer in the house that solves the problem of having a place to live, but then our financial situation will be even scarier. We are becoming more dependent on that money from selling. 
 I'm not sure if the kids got sick again or if its still just lingering but they still aren't better. I know I just need to focus on them right now because they are going through this with us. I also just feel really selfish because I have been so focused on all the bad things that I am not seeing that I am not being grateful for all the help we have had. and I have neglected my church duties and feeling I need some spiritual uplifting.
I keep telling myself that this is all happening for a reason, that there is lessons to be learned and it will all be great in the end. Before all great things there is chaos before it. Hopefully we will have lots of great news soon.
We are waiting for our calmness after the storm.

Raelyn's Birth Story

Raelyn Dawn

11/13/13

7 lbs 2 oz

20 inches long 13 inch head

I am really excited to share my story because it is a very happy one and an amazing experience and exactly what I wanted for this birth. Ever since I decided I wanted to do this at home I have been counting down the days. I have done lots of research and hired wonderful people to help me achieve this goal.

It started one week before when I thought I was having contractions and was sure that the baby was coming.  I texted my Doula and called my midwife in the middle of the night and told them all that it had started. We set up the tub and realized that we didn't have a birth tub liner. We couldn't fill it without it. I was getting anxious because I did not feel ready and very frantic. I called my mom and said she should come in the morning because she should be coming soon.
Shortly after the contractions had slowed and I thought I should get some sleep. We all slept in the living room and was waiting for things to progress. When I woke up they were very far apart and I knew that it wasn't coming that day. I called everyone and told them false alarm. It was a relief and discouraging at the same time because I wanted this to be over. She dropped and was engaged for weeks and my joints were getting swollen from holding her up. Doing anything at all was very painful and couldn't get comfortable. 

My midwife Kat told me it was important that we see where my hemoglobin levels were at because it was important for the birth. We knew they were low after my blood test and so she has me taking iron, chlorophyll and black strap molasses. I thought I was doing well so when I took the test it was shocking to find out I had dropped a whole number. I called my midwife with the results and she was shocked too and said with those numbers you are not able to do a home birth. She said I could possible bleed too much and we can't risk that at home. It was very shocking because I did not know that it was so important and I felt like I had done a lot of work to try to keep it up and it was all for nothing. It was very emotional and  devastating. My family has not been very supportive and thought what we are doing is dangerous so we got a lot of calls saying this was better anyway because hospital is best and "safer." It was not what I wanted to hear because to me this was all about where I felt safer to give birth.
I really believe that the baby stopped coming and was warning me I wasn't ready to give birth, and so we did what we needed to make it happen.

We prayed a lot. I asked for guidance to make the right decisions for my family and to do it the safest way wherever it needed to be. We talked to Kat the next day and she was confident that we could get the levels up fast so she gave us lots of options to raise it, including eating liver. I started to take a very strong iron supplement and it made me throw up, but I have never been so determined to get it done and Cody was a great supporter and made all my meals and made sure that I was getting what I needed. He really stepped up and showed me how he was in it with me and he was going to do what was needed.

We took two more blood tests and they both said that we were at a level a lot higher than we thought and it was the final decision up to Kat if she was going to allow us to do it at home. She came to our house and discussed our options. She said that she was going to leave the decision up to us. She said it could be done but we needed to take extra precautions and be ready to go to hospital if we needed. We all agreed we were going to try it. I felt really good about that decision.

 I had contractions during the night that were pretty strong and I woke up Cody and said you need to get your things done early because this baby is coming today. I woke up and they started to slow again. I was really discouraged then because I had already had a false alarm. I was having a contraction about every hour and when I felt a good one I was really excited. It was a welcoming pain. That evening I decided we should walk to the park to get things going because I knew it had started. When we got back they started to get stronger and more uncomfortable so I decided we should call Kat to come check me out and then Cody really stepped up. He packed a overnight bags for the kids and shipped my mom and them off to his parents, he cleaned the living room and set up the tub in record time and I was relaxed knowing things were being taken care of.

Kat got there and I was in a lot of pain and when she checked me she said you are only at a 2 centimeters and she was going to come back later because it could be a long while. She said to call when the water broke or when contractions started getting very strong. She stayed for about an hour watching the baby and she said the cord was around the neck and during a contraction while laying on your back she is not getting any oxygen so I needed to be in any position but on my back. (At the hospital the one position you can be in is on your back and she and I would have been more in danger at the hospital.)

She went home and shortly after my Massage Doula Becki arrived and I got in the tub to labor for a while. She is in school to become a Doula and this was her very first time witnessing a home birth. I have known her for a while and I have always felt really comfortable with her and she is a great person. While I was in the tub she was leaning over and massaging my back during contractions and it made them so much more bearable. And being massaged between contractions was great too because you got to relax and get a break in between. I don't know how anyone could labor without being massaged it was the best thing. After about an hour in the tub I decided to get out and go to the bathroom so I wasn't in there so long. Part of the mucus plug came out and it was exciting because we knew things were progressing. And then more came out in the tub.

Right after that happened the contractions were getting really strong and I was beginning to doubt myself and kind of scared but then Cody was there just saying "You can do this Katie your almost there."
Then my water broke and immediately Cody calls Kat and she said she was on her way.
I was so focused on myself that I forgot that we even needed to call our midwife. 
So then the contractions started to change and they felt different, they were painful but they were pushing the baby down. It was like my body was doing all the work. And the only way I can explain it is it felt like my body turned into an animal and my instincts kicked in. There was no more thinking and it was all my body. After each contractions there was a big relief and it was a good feeling because I knew the baby was coming. I told Becki I think its almost here and she said you can check if you want. So I checked down there and I put my finger up about 1 cm and felt a hard head just waiting to come. It gave me a bunch of strength to know that it was minutes away to holding her. Cody calls Kat and says are you almost here the baby is coming now. She said I am about 10 minutes so talk me through whats happening.

I said I need to push so she said to do just that. I pushed all my might and with that push her head just slides right out! I can feel her soft squishy head and Kat said on the next contraction push so hard so we get that baby out. Cody said that the baby opened her eyes and looked around for a minute and then closed her eyes. The next contraction didn't come for another two minutes and Cody said that it had made him nervous. But I needed that time to rest and the next one came and I pushed and out she came. Cody pulled her out of the water and the Doula and Cody were passing her back and forth unwrapping the cord. They wrapped her up and sucked out anything that was in her throat but she was absolutely perfect.
On the inside I was kind of laughing at them because I was so much at peace and relaxed and knew everything was great while they were wondering what to do with this tiny little person. I got out of the tub still attached to the baby and we laid on the ground with her on my stomach for a few minutes until Kat got there. Then  Margo the other midwife got there shortly after.

She was watching my bleeding and checked out the baby and everything was fine. After a few minutes she said "I am sorry Katie but your bleeding doesn't look like its clotting like it should. It is not an emergency but we should work on getting you to the hospital to get some pitocin to stop the bleeding." After she said it I felt like I knew that wasn't going to happen, but I said okay whatever we need. Cody started packing a bag for me to go and Kat said "I know you are religious would you like to say a prayer?"  duh! why didn't I think of that? I told Cody to give me a blessing and not even five minutes later my bleeding had stopped. She said we don't have to go after all. The mood changed in the room and there was light and so much peace. I remember how it was so incredibly quiet.

Nursing and cutting the cord 

 

Looking for food

After I fed her she checked and weighed her. She did not cry at all and she had her eyes wide open and she was looking all over the room at everyone and she was so content. The spirit was so strong and everyone talked about how they didn't want to leave because it was so peaceful. My guardian angels were there comforting me and everyone there.

 Becki Massage Doula

 Kat the Midwife

They helped me get into bed and everything was great. That night was a bonding experience for Cody and I. We were both amazed at what the other person had accomplished. Even though I was the one that gave birth, Cody stayed really strong and he made sure that I was taken care of and it was having him there and his support that helped me get through it. We didn't get much sleep but we just relaxed and enjoyed having that baby.

One of my fears of the hospital was them giving me an episiotomy. My midwife told me I was very likely to tear because of my previous scar tissue. but she knew ways to help stretch during birth and try to help as much as possible. because she wasn't there and it happened so fast that I did tear naturally and got it stitched and it has felt better than any of the other times. The frustrating part is that I probably would have never torn if it wasn't for my previous experiences. 

The next morning we got a lot of calls from certain people and unfortunately some were good and some were bad. The people that didn't talk to us about our home birth all year felt they had to share what they felt afterwards. That they thought it was irresponsible and told us what we should have done differently. Especially the people that still had not done any research or have any valid opinions. Everyone is relieved that it went well because it "could have gone wrong."
Some were upset that our team didn't get there and asked if we were upset that we did it on our own.
I am more than happy with how it turned out. I think that Raelyn wanted a more personal intimate birth and I was more relaxed with just people surrounding me that kept me relaxed and I actually think that they midwife came when she was needed. I am so grateful to Kat, Margo, and Becki because together they made this such a great experience.

I have birthed in the hospital and at home and my preference is at home. I am so grateful to have hospitals and they certainly have a purpose. It is for the sick and injured. If I get in a car wreck you had better take me to the hospital.

People have also told me that I am "brave" or so strong to do it at home. I do not feel that way, I think women who birth in the hospital are brave because their chances for unnecessary interventions increase and are not always in the best interest of mama and baby. When I was in the hospital I was more stressed and scared and did not have coaching through the process and understanding that you body is doing what is natural and meant to do. When you are tense and scared the pain intensifies. Also laying on your back is extremely uncomfortable and painful. Being in the water and getting massaged, being in any position, and coaching through each contraction with breathing techniques and so much support and love, was so much easier and such a rewarding experience at the end.
 It was definitely hard to not have family to encourage me and be proud of my decision but we did it alone and we are okay with that because it was amazing.

I am extremely proud of what we have accomplished and very few people get to experience this. I am glad to add another success story to the statistics of home birthing because it is very misunderstood. I hope that I can help to open eyes of others that this is just one option of giving birth even if its not your choice.
I can not stop dreaming about the experience and it will be one I will never forget.

What do the Bushell's eat? She must be a hippie

This post is about my nutritional lifestyle for myself and my family. Everything I believe in I am in the minority and it really makes things harder. Things I do are "hippie" or "new age" or too "radial." I guess people who don't feed their kids junk, and play baby mozart and sing songs, use natural medicine, and teach their children about christ, co-sleep, breastfeed exclusively are super radical and out there. And I'll take it because that is what I do and it works for me.
Something that bothers me is when I tell people I feed my kids "healthy," They are like "Oh, so you don't eat meat and only eat organic vegetables?"......The word "Healthy" means different things to different people and I don't like it when people assume they know what my diet is like and what I feed my kids. If anyone cared then I would tell them what we do, but no one has even bothered to ask.

In case you were wondering I will tell you what goes on at my house.
Everything we eat has to be a REAL food. Fruits, vegetables, nuts/legumes, whole grains, meat and dairy are in moderation and avoid processed meat. (There are many other herbs/ingredients that we use)
Things we avoid are anything processed or use artificial flavors or in boxes. I try to make everything fresh as possible. I know it is more convenient to buy boxed things when we are so busy but I have made it a priority in my life. There is a reason why we eat so much during the day, it is our fuel and our energy and it is very important what we put in our bodies.
I am not as strict as some people think. I wish I was even stricter! My mom has a hard time with my lifestyle and I have tried to compromise so I will tell you some alternatives that I have seen that works. 



Annie's Brand Organic foods

Kraft has to have a label on the back that says "May cause hyperactivity in some children." This is because of the food dyes they use because their "cheese culture" does not look like cheese. They also use illegal GMO wheat for their noodles. There is very little nutritional value in this food.

if your kids love mac and cheese there are very easy recipes to make your own but if you want a box I let my mom use Annie's brand. I like her because all of the ingredients you can pronounce, there is no preservatives, and they use wheat noodles. It does have processed cheese but it doesn't have the food dyes that cause hyperactivity. (its not sugar that causes it it is toxic chemicals in food) it is also pennies more and not expensive. It tastes very similar to regular mac and cheese too.
Annie's brand fruit snacks are another good grab and go but they are more expensive. They are made from juice and not all the other ingredients in other brands. Sometimes for church or day trips it is easy to have some snacks. Sage also loves the "bunnies."

Meat/Dairy products have to be "organic/hormone free" or alternatives. We typically use almond milk. Some alternative dairy products aren't good so you have to do some research. I like silk so far. my kids also love Rice Dream (ice cream). It is made from rice and I love it too!
If you choose other brands I strongly suggest that you look at the ingredients with everything that is in a box.

The reason why I do this is because small children under 5 are developing radically and they need nutrients for their development and growth. Processed, preservatives, and artificial ingredients can hurt their cell tissue and cause long term problems. I've heard before, "I feed my kids junk in moderation and they aren't obese and they seem to be fine." That may be true but the fact remains that you could slowly be clogging arteries, killing brain cells, and slowing their digestive system. Even if you kids aren't overweight there could still be damage. so why risk it?
 My rule is if there is a question as to what vitamins, minerals, or other nutrients are in the drink or food then it is not good for you. Also if you could not make it at home then you definitely shouldn't be eating it. (fruit drinks, cheetos, oreos, M&Ms)


I realize that there are times where the American culture has required that children eat candy. My kids can participate in Halloween, Easter, Birthdays and Christmas but that is about it. I do not give candy to my kids regularly and it is not because of sugar. I love to bake and I make cookies with either stevia or raw sugar. Sugar is only bad if it is in excess and can cause weight gain and faster aging. But we eat ONLY raw sugar or other natural sweeteners. Candy has processed sugar that has no nutritional value as well as all the other horrible ingredients for your kids.
There has been times where people have given my kids candy after I told them no. I have also had issues with parents that tell me that they don't want to tell my children no so they give in.
Well, its NOT your children.
When it is me that is telling them no I have NEVER had my kids fit or cry. I know that day will come and I will deal with it when that comes. People assume my kids will cry if they can't have candy because they know their kids would. Zion has always asked me if he can have something. As he gets older he is going to be places where I can not monitor what he eats. My goal is to teach my children healthy eating habits and when they are in the world they can make those decisions for themselves. but when their complete nutrition is dependent on me I will always make sure they get what they need.

I have had issues with the nursery at church. they have not been willing to talk to me or work things out with their diet. but what do they do with kids with allergies? well I provided snacks for Zion EVERY Sunday that we attended and every time they would return his snacks full in his bag and he would just eat them on the car ride home. I totally gave up and thought it was very unfair. Until one person talked to me about it and it was Zion's last week in nursery. They actually gave Zion his snacks and guess what? All the other kids wanted what Zion had and he shared with the whole class. It wasn't as traumatic as they thought it would be. but now I am hesitating putting Sage in. 
I have heard this before, "The kids that don't get junk food go to other people houses and just pig out." Well either those parents aren't doing it right or it isn't true. Kids who are raised with healthy foods crave those healthy foods. My kids are more comfortable with foods that they know. If they ate junk food somewhere it is probably because that is what is available.
And it sounds ridiculous to me because you can teach your children not to drink and drive or do drugs, or go to church and be helpful to others. If you taught them that then that means that they are going to be out harassing people and won't go to church and do drugs? Maybe. but I don't think so.
The only reason my kids ever want something it is because someone else has it and not the actual food itself. Just like with toys or anything else. If we teach our children that we can have our own things and be grateful for them, that stage of life of wanting what others want will disappear. I certainly don't want my kids to feel "left out" so that is why I try hard to make healthy alternatives for them.

I do not care what other people do with their children because it is every mothers right to do what want with their kids. I feel like I am always defending myself and making people understand me. And I will tell you that it is very stressful and hard. Nothing that we are supposed to be doing is easy. but I know that my children will thank me later and appreciate what I do for them everyday.

Here are a few things we eat throughout the day.

Breakfast
Whole wheat pancakes with bananas/apples/chocolate chips 100% syrup
Oatmeal with raisins/cranberries/almonds/peanuts
granola cereal
scrambled eggs and turkey bacon
Whole wheat bread with peanut butter and honey and many others......

Snacks and sides
banana
apple slices
granola
carrots
cucumbers
strawberries
tomatoes
Blue corn chips
annie's brand cookies/ snacks
corn
smoothies and more......

Lunch
turkey sandwich/wrap
soup
PB and J (fresh peanut butter no other stuff and home made jelly)
leftover dinner
salad and many others..........

Dinner
sweet n sour chicken and rice
shepherds pie
bean and rice casserole
potato curry and rice
chili or soup
spinach quiche
corn tomato pie
 chicken quesadilla and many others....

these are not the only things we eat but a few ideas. If you still think we are radical then so be it. but we aren't crazy or feed our children weird tofu crackers and kale chips. I am also not claiming to be a perfect mom. I am just trying the best I can with the knowledge that I have and doing what makes me happy.

I could write a lot more things but I will end with anyone who has a desire to feed their kids healthy and don't know where to start I can help! it has been a long process to find a diet that works for us, and I have gathered recipes over 10 years and have a good selection. I wrote a cookbook that I need to update but if you want it just ask and I can email it to you.

my next venture is to learn how to make homemade deodorant and toothpaste. I will also be sharing those as well soon. I am officially a DOTERRA essential oils distributor so let me know if you are interested!

love you all! PEACE, LOVE, LIGHT I'm a hippie

Brigham Young quote on doctors and birth

     My last post was about my decision to have a home birth. The reason is because I had horrible experiences at the hospital and I left out a lot of  details because I wanted to get to the point. For example, when I was in labor with Zion I went to the hospital when I was contracting because I had no idea when I should go in. They turned me down twice because they said I wasn't dialating. I went home and walked and tried to get things moving. When I went in for the third time I was throwing up and I was so scared they would turn me down again. Without any kind of warning or telling me what she was doing, the nurse stuck a needle in my butt and afterwards she said this will help you sleep. Five minutes later I felt like I could not see and could not concentrate. I couldn't focus on where I was and kept trying to make sure Cody was there. The next thing I knew I was at home. I wouldn't ask that for my worst enemy because when you are already terrified of what could happen during birth, and being "high" on top of that, it was so terrifying. When I woke up at home I was in horrible labor and got back just in time at the hospital. I can't even remember the name of the drug they gave me but I KNOW I didn't need it and it caused more fear and anxiety which is not a safe environment for the baby. Unfortunately, everything they had administered was without my consent. When I went in I had faith that they were doing everything they needed to take care of me. I found out later I was wrong. So the question is why do doctors do these things if they are dangerous? They do know they are dangerous that is why they hook you up to machines and IVs and exceptional monitoring because they are planning for these events to happen.

     That is just one example, I may share more throughout my pregnancy but I have nightmares about some of them. Over the past few years after these things have happened to me I have done lots of research and found out so many things that they do that I don't agree with. What I find most intriguing is when I can find scriptures or church doctrine to help support my ideas. I do not only believe in church related resources. I use anything that will support me, but I when I told my mom about my decision she told me that there was a quote by Brigham Young that talked about women giving birth and they would have fear to have it without a doctor. I have been on the search for this doctrine and I finally found it on someone else's blog. This quote is also on babycenter and there were over 200 comments. It definitely caused a controversy and I think it is mostly because it can easily be misinterpreted. So I'd like to share it and give you some of my thoughts on it.

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Journal_of_Discourses/Volume_15/The_Order_of_Enoch

If you have time I invite you to read the whole thing it has a lot of other information as well. He first talks about how the city of Zion would be in the order of Enoch. He says that people wouldn't complain about their jobs and they would all just go to work where they are needed and are capable. I actually find some of the things he says humerous because he doesn't speak very well and he is very blunt with his words. He thinks that the LDS people are wasting their rags and disrespecting their belongings. . He also says he would not allow wasting time reading novels. I think that relates to todays music, movies, tv, and media that we waste ourselves with. He says that he would not allow lawyers in their society because we should be forgiving and not sue each other. He even says women should be using their own silk worms! It is actually funny.
However, this is what I was attracted to


Would you want doctors? Yes, to set bones. We should want a good surgeon for that, or to cut off a limb. But do you want doctors? For not much of anything else, let me tell you, only the traditions of the people lead them to think so; and here is a growing evil in our midst. It will be so in a little time that not a woman in all Israel will dare to have a baby unless she can have a doctor by her. I will tell you what to do, you ladies, when you find you are going to have an increase, go off into some country where you cannot call for a doctor, and see if you can keep it. I guess you will have it, and I guess it will be all right, too. Now the cry is, "Send for a doctor." If you have a pain in the head, "Send for a doctor;" if your heel aches, "I want a doctor;" "my back aches, and I want a doctor." The study and practice of anatomy and surgery are very good; they are mechanical, and are frequently needed. Do you not think it is necessary to give medicine sometimes? Yes, but I would rather have a wife of mine that knows what medicine to give me when I am sick, than all the professional doctors in the world. Now let me tell you about doctoring, because I am acquainted with it, and know just exactly what constitutes a good doctor in physic. It is that man or woman who, by revelation, or we may call it intuitive inspiration, is capable of administering medicine to assist the human system when it is besieged by the enemy called Disease; but if they have not that manifestation, they had better let the sick person alone. I will tell you why: I can see the faces of this congregation, but I do not see two alike; and if I could look into your nervous systems and behold the operations of disease, from the crowns of your heads to the soles of your feet, I should behold the same difference that I see in your physiognomy —there would be no two precisely alike. Doctors make experiments, and if they find a medicine that will have the desired effect on one person, they set it down that it is good for everybody, but it is not so, for upon the second person that medicine is administered to, seemingly with the same disease, it might produce death. If you do not know this, you have not had the experience that I have. I say that unless a man or woman who administers medicine to assist the human system to overcome disease, understands, and has that intuitive knowledge, by the Spirit, that such an article is good for that individual at that very time, they had better let him alone. Let the sick do without eating, take a little of something to cleanse the stomach, bowels and blood, and wait patiently, and let Nature have time to gain the advantage over the disease. Suppose, for illustration, we draw a line page 226 through this congregation, and place those on this side where they cannot get a doctor, without it is a surgeon, for thirty or fifty years to come; and put the other side in a country full of doctors, and they think they ought to have them, and this side of the house that has no doctor will be able to buy the inheritance of those who have doctors, and overrun them, outreach them, and buy them up, and finally obliterate them, and they will be lost in the masses of those who have no doctors. I know what some say when they look at such things, but that is the fact. Ladies and gentlemen, you may take any country in the world, I do not care where you go, and if they do not employ doctors, you will find they will beat communities that employ them, all the time. Who is the real doctor? That man who knows by the Spirit of revelation what ails an individual, and by the same Spirit knows what medicine to administer. That is the real doctor, the others are quacks.


This is blunt and not so sensitive, but I must say  I LOVE IT. Most importantly he is not saying that we do not need doctors. There are certain times when the care is beyond what we are capable of to require a doctor. If I broke my leg I would go to a doctor, but for everyday ailments and colds there are home remedies that we should administer with the faith, intuition and spiritual healers. Brigham Young says that we ask for a doctor for a "back ache" or "heel ache." What he means is that not every ail needs to be administered by a doctor. I love that he says he would rather have a wife who knows what medicine to give him than all the professional doctors in the world. I believe as mothers and wives it is one of the many roles that we have been blessed with on this earth is to be in charge of the health of our family. We need to trust our intuition and use preventative medicine with food and regular exercise, and to use remedies when we have diseases. When our ill is beyond our care we are blessed to have educated doctors that are willing to help. We want doctors to use spiritual intuition with physical medicine to help the body heal itself and not give everyone the same medicine. We are not all alike and it is important that we take each body individually and treat it as a body.  I have been a massage therapist for 7 years and I can say that at times of healing the body I can get intuitive thoughts or feelings that could be spiritual or physical and I can help assess(not diagnose) certain problems with people. It is very rewarding and I love to help people learn how to heal themselves.

       I laughed when he said, " I will tell you what to do, you ladies, when you find you are going to have an increase, go off into some country where you cannot call for a doctor, and see if you can keep it. I guess you will have it, and I guess it will be all right, too." I think he is exaggerating when he says to go out into the country, but he is making the point that if you are far enough away that there is no aid for giving birth, that he guesses you will keep the baby and you will be alright. We should not underestimate the power of women's intuition and our instincts to take over. There is some controversy about this article because it's "outdated" or its not of a prophet. I believe in Brigham Young as a man of god and trust his word, and I also think it all can be related today. This also was spoken in General Conference in 1872. he says, "It will be so in a little time that not a woman in all Israel will dare to have a baby unless she can have a doctor by her." the key words is in a little time, which I think that has happened today. Doctors have made women believe that there are many problems that come with birth and they are required to be there and then they charge over 20,000 to catch your baby, or inflict unnecessary interventions which in my case were the only problems. Now there are many women who are going to tell me or think "I had a doctor deliver and my interventions were absolutely necessary." or "I was induced and had an epidural and everything was fine." Well I will just say you are very lucky and should feel blessed because not all women have that same experience. And most women these days do have hospital births and they are going in and out quickly and are not allowed time to labor in natural time for convenience for the doctor. The reason why women lay on their back is so it is easy for the doctor. The natural position for labor is squatting to help gravity bring the baby down. You are not allowed any other position at the hospital. Also episiotomies were allowed when they started putting women under for giving birth. They were not awake for pushing and so it was required, and now it has come a very common intervention and do not let women naturally "tear." When I went into have Sage I researched and interviewed the doctors. The ones who said, "I only perform episiotomies when it is absolutely necessary," were the ones who had a higher rate for them.
     I am also not neglecting that unfortunate things can happen, and a doctor is required but it is far more rare than society believes. I said in the other post that 70% of births in las vegas area are c- section. I refuse to believe that all of those were life and death situations, and were even necessary. What also makes me mad is places like vegas do not allow midwives to deliver at the hospital. And in some states it is illegal for women to have home births with a midwife present so people are doing it unassisted. My insurance is not going to pay for this home birth and I am okay with that but I think it is not fair that women can't choose for themselves how and where they want to give birth. If insurances actually did research and looked at statistics the mortality rate and emergencies are far less at home than the hospital.

      I have been doing lots of research for my own education and knowledge. I am sharing these with you so I can simply inspire or help people think differently. What I think is more insulting than someone telling me my beliefs are wrong is someone accusing me of "preaching" or "anti" the other option. I have never used "anti" in my vocabulary because I am PRO natural birth and if someone else decides otherwise that is their decision. I am glad that I had the experiences I had to so that I could be educated for this coming baby. And I hope I can be an example for women who want to do home birth but are "scared." And just give a little more information to empower women. And I want to say that I am not "brave" or "crazy" to do this at home. It is rare for women to give birth at home and I hope that more people will do it so that it becomes more regulated and insurance will cover midwives and we can have it not be so radical. I am ready to do it and I am so grateful to have Cody's support. Everyday I am going to educate myself in every way possible to be ready for a safe natural birth.
(on a side note the order of Enoch kinda sounds like communism, and I kinda like it)

Why I am chosing a Natural Home Birth.

I am writing about this because I am very passionate about it and I know there are going to be friends and family who have their opinions about this and going to talk me out of it.

but family before you do I want you to understand why I am chosing this option.

Zion's birth

I wanted to do a home birth with Zion but Cody wasn't comfortable with it and when I looked into cost our insurance wouldn't touch it and so I decided to do a hospital birth and see how it went.
I got an epidural and everything was fine until the doctor came in and I pushed a few times. There were nurses coming in and telling the Doc he was needed in another room. I wasn't close to giving birth so without much warning he gave me an episiotomy that was so severe and it was swollen when he stitched it up. it was very quick and he left. I had to have a catheter to go to the bathroom because I was so swollen for the first 24 hours. after about 3 months of not healing I went back to the doctor and told them I was still in severe pain. The doc told me I just needed to be patient and needed more time and sent me home. two months later I called again and they didn't try to get me in because they said I didn't need any more prenatal care.
While I was in Utah visiting, I spoke with a midwife about my situation and she said she would be willing to look at it. when she did she saw that it was beyond something that she could fix so she asked a retired doctor if he would perform my surgery. He was an angel sent from heaven and he fixed my problem and I felt better in about 3 weeks.I later found out that I was a victim of feminine mutilation and they had no right to do that to me at the time. I was very upset.

It was then I lost more respect for doctors and had trust issues.

Sage's Birth

I was so terrified to give birth because of my traumatic experience with Zion's birth. I explained to my doctors my fear and they said that they only do episiotomies if necessary. (it is never necessary) I again looked into home births and found out that there are no birth centers in las vegas and only certain doctors will do water births in the hospital and it seemed to impossible for me to get. so I just did what the doctors said again for the second time. I felt more confident because I had already done it. I was hoping to do it without an epidural because I know of the harmful affects it can have with certain women and babies.
when I got to the hospital I was progressively in labor and the nurses neglected me for a long time. by the time they got me into a room I was far into labor and I was very scared of the pain and my adrenaline kicked in and started shaking. they told me it was my body not handling the pain and got the anasthegiologist. I was having contractions on top of each other when he came and his exact words were. "Do you want this epidural or not." I was treated like a nuisance and taking too much of his time. the nurses said they "lied" and told him  I wasn't as far along as I was so I could get the epidural. I was about an 8 centimenters dialated and I was almost ready to give birth. Cody said he was going to find a dr. pepper.
as soon as he left the machines went off and I knew the baby was in distress. nurses rushed in and gave me oxygen and laid me on my side. the epidural was not working yet and I was in a lot of pain. one of the nurses said to me,"you're not breathing deep enough" I told her I was breathing through the pain, and no one in the room believed I was in pain. I felt sage drop down and I said I had to push, they told me to not push until the doctor came. they had not even told the doctor I was ready so I had to wait 20 minutes of "holding it in" while my body was doing everything to get the baby out. it went by so fast and Cody barely made it back on time for the birth. I pushed a total of 3 times and she was out when the doctor came. and if course gave me another unnecessary episiotomy.
I later found out that when I had my adrenaline it was not because I couldn't handle the pain but its a natural response to help your body cope with the pain. instead of an epidural I should have had moral support and told that I was very near to the end. and I know for certain that the problems in the end was strictly because of the epidural and it caused trauma to the baby.

after having Sage I was absolutely certain that doctors were not in my best interest and they never allowed my body to give birth the way it is supposed to. Some doctors give pitocin and break water to "speed things up." and what I want to know is what is the rush? babies can come early or come two weeks late and it always what the mother and baby need. I found a documentary called "the business of being born." and before any of you try to talk me out of doing a home birth please watch this first so you are slightly more educated. There is also another one about "hospital, birth center, home birth" that tells you about each one and how they are different.

I finally talked Cody into speaking with a midwife to make an educated decision about this pregnancy and birth. I contacted Kathya and she came over the same day for a free consultation and answered all our questions. she is board certified and she has a long list of education in midwifery and naturopathy. I am extremely comfortable with her. when I found out I was pregnant I was terrified again and was having nightmares about giving birth. After speaking with Kathya I am so excited to give birth and I want so desperately to be in control of my birth experience and to take as long as I want, push when I want, and I want to even be able to catch my own baby. Giving birth is not a medical condition and should be treated as as natural as everything else humans do.

so now,
those of you who think it is "dangerous." I can answer most questions but my midwife can answer everything.  The caretaker I am seeing is doing exactly what a nurse would do when I go to the doctors office. she has taken blood work and checks all vitals and heartbeat when she comes to my home once a month. She is very thorough throughout the pregnancy to make sure that I am a healthy candidate for home birth. if at any time during pregnancy or labor if she believes there are going to be problems she will allow and go with us to the hospital. I found out about 12% of home births turn emergency and about 60% of hospital births are C section. I don't remember where I got these statistics but I know they are fairly accurate and in las vegas alone 70% are C section. and more often than not when there is an emergency it is a result of neglect during the pregnancy and not because of an accident.
the problem of bleeding to death during pregnancy is the most common concern. the doctors don't check hemoglobin during the pregnancy and so they just have blood ready for transfusion instead of preventing from the body of bleeding in the first place. my midwife has promised to take precaution of my hemoglobin and if in an instance of my uterus bleeding she has herbs that have proven to effectively stop bleeding quickly.
also I know you will have concerns because of the woman who died giving birth in utah to her 6th baby. the reason why she died was because she has 6 C sections which is very dangerous, and something had gone wrong 3 weeks before surgery and they had her in the hospital. it is very unfortunate for their family and I think it is partly because of medical malpractice. 
in case of the baby having stress she is certified in neonatal resusitation which is the same as nurses in the hospital. she said she has never had to do it because all babies are birthed naturally and do not have stress and are fully developed. it is the babies in the hospital that are induced early that have more problems because they aren't as developed and they were not ready to be out.
the equipment she will be using will be exactly the same as a birthing center at the hospital. the only difference will be no place to perform surgery. I will be buying all of the sheets and tubing in packages and everything will be sterile and a safe environment for us. I will be renting a tub for a water birth which will be completely sanitized and toxic safe lining.
I have done much research about this and I am not making a rash decision. I am very comfortable and excited about this decision. I am fully confident in my midwife and I know that she will take care of me and baby in whatever circumstance that comes. but I am a good candidate because I had two vaginal births with no problems. (other than the parts I told you)
so that is what I have chosen and you will not convince me otherwise but if you have questions or concerns about what I am doing you are welcome to call me and talk to me about it. I think the hardest part of all of this will be very little moral support from family and I am writing this to give you some background before I need to defend myself.

love you all!

It's Ok Apparel

So. I started knitting 6 years ago as Wild Child Accessories and it just pretty much paid for the supplies for doing it and not much profit. I also felt like I was a salesperson and not a designer and I didn't like that so I would stop for a while and then start again and then stop again. I have done everything from hats scarves and sweaters and now baby items because that is what sells better. I have made infant photo props and clothing and now stuffed animals. I think my problem is that I don't have a specific target of things and I just love to make everything. blankets take too much time and have to charge too much for them to make it worth it.
I still haven't found my niche after all this time. It's also hard because you have to take these gorgeous photos and stylists so people can see the item and photographers are too expensive, and then uploading photos to the site and measuring the items and desribing all of them and advertising your page, and social networking it is so much work without a profit and it is so frustrating. I don't have many people who have helped me market my stuff not even my own family really unless I ask them to.
and then getting on this forsaken blog that I hate doing. it is all just so overwhelming.

so I have decided to go with my other passion which is drawing and painting. I have seen other apparel stores be very successful making shirts and I know that I can do that and I have limitless ideas for shirts.
I want to make kids and adult clothing and I am going to start small and see if I can sell them and hopefully I can make this grow.
I really want to move back to Utah and I need to find a way to make a secure income so that I can buy a house and live by our family. I will also sell my hats/scarves in the fall/winter but for now I am going to put all my energy into this shirt business. I am really excited about it.

I made this quick "logo" that will work for now and its going to be called 'It's Ok Apparel.' It represents my love of nature and simplicity in life. Also how no matter how bare or dead you may seem time just say It's Ok, and time will always make you grow if you have roots.
I am having my first shirts printed on what I shirts I have around this coming weekend by cody's uncle who owns a screen print business. I will need to hire a photographer to take pics and then having my baby brother help me create a website. with help from all my family my goal is to have a successful business by the end of 2013.
I can't wait to start doing something real.

until next time...